


The Compatibility Algorithm (Her Story)

by Queenfisher_bbt



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Community: shamyficexchange, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenfisher_bbt/pseuds/Queenfisher_bbt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever really understood their relationship. It was odd, out of place and, for lack of a better term, weird. Amy had always dreamed of marrying Sheldon, she even had a five-year plan for it. But what if that’s not what he wants? A Shamy fan fiction exploring the thoughts of Amy Farrah Fowler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Cooper Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever and I hope you like it~! This is a His & Her story so I highly advise that you also read Sheldon's side of the story~! You can check it out in my list of stories~! I'll be updating the two fanfictions alternatively because I want to show their different points of view. There's always two sides to the same coin, and not everything is what it seems. I update when I can, and though I might update slower than other writers, I make sure that a lot of thought was put into each chapter. Enjoy~!

* * *

4:00 pm. It was 30 minutes prior to the agreed upon time. Amy thought that if there was an off chance that her date also arrived early, she would be able to end it quicker. It was not until 5 minutes later that she realized that there was a possibility for her date to be late and she had to wait even longer.

_I should've stopped for feminine hygiene supplies before I came here._

As she anticipated the arrival of the man she was paired with, she contemplated on the reasons as to why she agreed to do this in the first place:

1.) Her mother would not stop pestering her to "meet a nice young man"

2.) Her mother won't let her use the George Foreman grill that seals in the flavor without the fat

3.) Her mother required her to report about her annual date

She never really believed in how online dating sites could possibly calculate a person's compatibility with a set of questionable algorithms, but online dating was the fastest way to get a date. She knew that most men she met through the website were either horny ass-grabbers or lonely and boring blokes, but it was a chore that just needed to be done.

Amy didn't know much about the man she was paired with. The only information she had accumulated from the site was that he was a theoretical physicist with an IQ of 187 at Caltech University by the name of Sheldon Lee Cooper and a zoomed-in unflattering picture of himself. She didn't bother searching for more information about him since she was pretty sure this was a one-time thing. All of her dates have always been a one-time thing. She couldn't even remember their names or faces.

4:07 pm. A tall man with long hair and well-built physique came in the coffee shop. He resembled the guys in the cover of those erotic novels some of the girls back in her classes in college liked to read.

_Could this be the guy?_

Amy quickly checked her phone for the picture of her meet-up and he looked nothing like the guy. She further confirmed that he wasn't her match-up when she saw him making out with another guy.

4:15 pm. A man shorter than Amy came to the coffee shop and looked around. After a few moments, he saw Amy and approached her.

_Maybe this is the guy. He seems to recognize me. Well, finally! The sooner this is over, the sooner I can go._

"Hi, I'm Jack, you must be Sherry," the man introduced himself, extending a hand to her.

"I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong person," Amy said, slightly disappointed that she had to wait a little longer than she had hoped.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the man apologized before moving to the next table who Amy presumed might be his own match-up.

4:23. A dark-skinned man wearing a very strong cologne approached Amy, asking her if she'd like to hang out. She deduced that he might be one of those guys who liked to flirt with just about any woman they could come in contact with since he looked nothing like her match.

"Gop e Top Lop o Sop Top." Amy replied with her made up language, which the man responded with a confused look. Thinking that Amy might be a foreigner and didn't speak English, the man gave up and decided to try a different target.

_Works every time._

"In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how do you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so with the classic neener-neener or just my normal look of haughty derision?" A slim and lanky man said to his two companions upon entering the establishment just a few moments after the dark-skinned man left.

_Could this be the guy?_

Amy glanced at the photograph that she acquired from the dating website and glanced back at the man quibbling with his friends. He was taller than she imagined him to be.

"You don't know we're wrong yet," his Indian friend replied.

"Haughty derision it is," the lanky guy said, followed by an expression of mockery.

_Let's get this over with._

"Excuse me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler, you're Sheldon Cooper."

The three men looked over her direction. The lanky man looked at her and gave her a tiny, almost sympathetic smile.

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler, I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock."

"If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery," Amy stated. She noticed that his two companions were now eyeing her with interest, shock and curiosity for reasons that she could not comprehend. "In any case, I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year."

"Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church."

"I don't object to the concept of a deity but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance."

"Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas."

"Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table."

There was a brief pause. That statement was usually what relieved Amy of the tedious duty of listening to her date blab on and on about insignificant matters such as the Super Bowl or who the hottest Kardashian is. The only ones who usually stay for the date after that declaration are usually the ones who are too polite to turn her down right then and there.

"May I buy you a beverage?" The lanky man finally said.

"Tepid water, please," Amy responded with a forced smile.

_I guess he's one of the polite ones. There goes my hour of harp-playing._

* * *

Amy was expecting a yawn or two during their discussion but she was surprised to find Sheldon to be a delight. She discovered that Sheldon was a man of science and looked at the universe as a puzzle to solve and approached every aspect of his life with logic, just like her. She was pleasantly astonished at how he closely resembled her way of thinking. Of all the dates she ever went on, he was the only one who seemed to match her intellect. It intrigued her, and in her mind, he wasn't that bad looking either.

As she conversed with her match-up, she occasionally glanced at his companions who were seated at the far end of the room, observing them. She thought of them to be like vultures, silently eyeing their prey while chattering animatedly amongst themselves like wild monkeys. She had gone on several dates but this was the first one she went on that had an audience.

It took her a while before she realized that she had gotten too carried away with their debate about the big bang cosmogony theory that what was supposed to be a one-hour date became a two-hour one.

"It seems we have exceeded the time limit we had agreed on for this date. I didn't even notice that it's been two hours."

"Oh dear, you're right! I need get back home if I want to get my laundry done in time."

"This was… pleasant."

"It certainly was. I was a pleasure meeting you, Amy Farrah Fowler."

"It was a pleasure for me as well."

As Amy was about to leave the shop, Sheldon called out her name.

"Amy?"

"Yes?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but would you care to exchange numbers? I enjoyed our conversation and would like to continue communicating with you."

If it was any other person, Amy would've said no, but Sheldon was different from all the others whom she had been matched up with in the past. She felt intellectually challenged from their chat. It was something that had never happened to her before on any prior date or from previous conversations she had participated with others. After some consideration, she decided to take him up on his offer.

"Certainly."

* * *

After their first meeting, Amy and Sheldon continued communicating through emails, texts and social media sites on a daily basis after their first meeting. They never ran out of things to talk about. They discussed her research in Neurobiology and his research in Physics and random topics. It would've been boring to have similar conversations with others. They found it easy to talk to each other about anything and found themselves in sync most of the time. They regarded each other as highly intelligent to the point that they even discussed the prospect of having a progeny that would become first in a line of intellectually superior benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow. It was after four months of virtual communication that, they had decided to meet each other in person, again as a result of Sheldon's friend's insistence that they meet. She found it odd that his friends seemed to have some sort of profound interest in her.

She was a bit surprised to find that they were dining with Sheldon's attractive blonde friend, Penny. Amy didn't mind since she didn't consider the date as something romantic in nature. Sheldon had informed her that since she was the one driving them, it's only fair that they let her join. However, to Penny's dismay, she and her love life served as their conversation fodder.

It was after their first formal date that they decided to meet in person more often, much to the chagrin of Sheldon's friends who seem to feel intimidated by her. Although she thought of him as an equal, she still believed that Neurobiology, her field of expertise, was far more superior than Physics or any other science. Sheldon believed otherwise. This lead to a heated debate and their first disagreement that resulted in the termination of their "relationship."

Amy was slightly disappointed, but having been used to disappointments, she just shrugged it off and continued on with her life. It wasn't the first time she lost a friend. She was so sure that she wouldn't see him again, but she was dead wrong.

A few days later, she received an interesting call from Sheldon's mother, Mrs. Mary Cooper, asking her if she could come by and have a chat. His mother had told her that he was beginning to lose his mind over her and collected twenty-five feline companions. As a neurobiologist, it made her curious.

Upon her arrival, Sheldon's mother attempted to converse with her to get to know her better. It seemed that for every word that came out of Amy's mouth, Mary always had that perplexed, confused and slightly intrigued emotion displayed on her face.

"Now, answer me honestly dear. What do you really think of my little Shelly-bean? Don't you want to see him again?" Mary asked her, her face warm and inviting.

Amy pondered the question a moment. She didn't think she'd ever feel the absence of a person, but she realized she missed having a friend could who actually follow her train of thought and understood what she was saying.

"I believe I am not entirely opposed to seeing your son again, Mrs. Cooper."

"Okay, I heard a yes! Just give me a moment and I'll get Shelly."

An interesting turn of events occurred within the next few minutes. One minute, Sheldon was stating his displeasure of having her company in his apartment, and the next, he was defending her to his mother, stating that there was no other person more similar to him than her. The day ended in the two reestablishing their friendship, meeting Sheldon's twenty-five cats and giving them away to people in the park.

* * *

It was an entirely different thing when Sheldon met Amy's mother. Amy just got back home from work when her mother called her through Skype. Her mother liked to occasionally check in on her, but her calls were usually filled with questions about her non-existent love life. In an attempt to keep her mother from pestering her about the subject, Amy once told her that she was seeing a miniature horse breeder named Arman, but her story fell apart once her mother asked for details.

But this time, it was different. She really was kinda-sorta "dating" a guy, so lying about being in a relationship with Sheldon was more believable and a lot easier, specially since they talk on a daily basis. However, instead of quelling her mother's thirst for all this "love" chatter, it unexpectedly invigorated her to call more often. Mrs. Fowler wanted actual proof that Sheldon was real.

It had only been a few days after the two reconciled when Amy asked Sheldon to meet her mother. He told her that he would get back to her, but he never did. He cut off all their communications and changed all his emails and numbers. From his actions, Amy deduced that he had misunderstood her intentions and also learned that he was a "flight risk," not that she was really interested in pursuing Sheldon.

Amy decided it was best to visit him in his own home and clear things up. She had to wait the whole day until he finally showed up, wearing an obvious disguise. He wore a very striking red jacket, a red beanie and a pair of Groucho glasses, which she found absolutely ridiculous. What was even more laughable was the notion that he thought she has fallen "hopelessly in love" with him.

"All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship."

"…So we'd be perpetrating a ruse?"

"Precisely."

"And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me?"

"Don't be absurd. I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary social construct that adds no value to human relationships."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone's ever said to me!"

"I trust this clarification allows us to return to our boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status?

"Of course!"

The very next day, after Amy and Sheldon had discussed how they would execute their ruse, Amy introduced Sheldon to her mother through Skype. Their meeting left a permanent impression on her mother, especially after they had hinted that they were sexually active and were constantly in heat. After that conversation, Amy was never pestered about her love life again.

* * *

It had always amazed Amy how one man could drastically change the course of her life. She had always been alone and had no friends outside of work. When she met Sheldon, she was introduced to his friends, and while she was initially condescending to each one of them, she was eventually accepted and found their company surprisingly pleasant. She never would have thought that she'd have very close female companions to have slumber parties and girls' nights with. All the things she missed out on in her teenage and college years that she so desperately wanted, Sheldon made possible, regardless of whether or not he had an active part in it.

One thing that came unexpected to her was her budding desire for affection and physical intimacy. As months passed by, she gradually found herself becoming more and more attracted to Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. The prospect of a romantic relationship with him had been ridiculous to her in the past, knowing theirs was a relationship of the mind, but after she kissed him while she was drunk, things were never really the same. They had both agreed to forget about the incident and carry on how they usually were, but the incident never left her mind. She wished she could remember what happened, and what caused her to act irrationally. What perplexed her more was the fact that she didn't hate it. In fact, she liked it.

She found herself savoring every single moment she spent with him and seized every chance for physical contact that arose. An instance was when she was depressed that her girlfriends went dress shopping without her and Sheldon came to her apartment to check on her. Thinking there was nothing to lose, since she felt like she already lost her "BFFs", she daringly asked Sheldon something she definitely wouldn't have wanted in the past.

"Sheldon, I'm gonna ask you something and I'd like you to keep an open mind."

"Always."

"At this moment, I find myself craving human intimacy and physical contact."

"Oh boy…"

Sheldon had never been comfortable with physical intimacy. He looked at her with a troubled expression. "You know ours is a relationship of the mind."

At this point, Amy was pretty sure that no matter what she'd suggest, he would be sure to say no, but she was not in the right emotional state to think about those things.

"Proposal, one wild night of torrent love making that soothes my soul and inflames my loins."

There was a deafening silence in the room.  _Great. I guess I'm going to lose him too._

"Counter proposal, I will gently stroke your head and repeat 'Aww, who's a good Amy?'" Sheldon proposed, surprising Amy. She was expecting him to run away in panic like the time he thought Amy was going to introduce him to her mother as her real boyfriend. Amy decided to push her luck just a bit more.

"How about this? French kissing. Seven minutes in heaven culminating in second base."

"Neck massage, then you give me that beverage."

Sheldon was not budging, so Amy decided on the one thing that would satisfy her needs that would not be so abhorrent to the theoretical physicist. "We cuddle, final offer."

"Very well," Sheldon cautiously agreed.

Amy inched closer to him on the couch, noticing his discomfort. She slowly raised her arms, warily attempting to reach out to him. Sheldon began to move a little closer, just as anxiously as she was. It had only been a couple of seconds, but it felt like hours had passed by before she had contact with his body. It was extremely awkward, but by the time they had covered each other in their arms, Amy felt her mind go blank. She was intoxicated with his scent, and the warmth of his body piercing through hers gave her a rush of dopamine. It felt as if she had just discovered a new type of drug and had become addicted to its ill-fated effects.

It was just a hug, basically. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have made a big deal out of it. She had received them before from her parents and her BFFs, but this one was different by magnitudes. Maybe it was the unfortunate situation of her "friends" ditching her. Maybe it was because he was a man, and no man had done it to her before. Or maybe it was because he wasn't just any man, but because he was Sheldon.

It was the first time he had ever held her this way, and this simple action had finally made her understand the feeling that her romance novels had been trying to illustrate to its readers. The feeling of being protected, being safe and being wanted.

She found her craving for his warmth increase each passing day, but she knew it just wasn't possible. Evaluating what she knows about Sheldon, there was a very low chance that he could ever see her as a romantic partner. She couldn't admit her feelings to him for fear that he'd turn her down and diminish her new found social life. The risks were just too high.

And then, she meets Stuart Bloom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and feedback are very much appreciated and inspires me to write~!
> 
> \---
> 
> ~October 16, 2013~
> 
> \---
> 
> Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> Amy had been reluctant about the whole thing, but the girls urged her to go for the date. They reasoned, in their own words, that 'There's no harm in trying out sushi instead of fried chicken every once in a while.' Whatever did sushi and fried chicken have to do with her date anyways?


	2. The Purkinje Lights Phenomenon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I would just like to give a shout out to my fellow Filipinos out there who were vicitms or had friends or family who were victims of the Typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda). Things may look a little grim right now, but everything's going to be okay. We'll get through this guys. I hope that in a way, this fanfic uplifted your moods somehow.
> 
> And again, thanks Pearlgrl for your wonderful feedback and help on my fanfic~! :)

* * *

Neurobiology wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but Amy had a great passion for the science to the point that she even terminated a friendship over it. Still, there were certain days that tested her patience for the profession.

She spent the whole day with a bunch of monkeys, and she was not referring to her smoking test subjects. With what happened today, she wished she could be giving those so-called "braniacs" emphysema instead.

There had been a big mishap in the lab involving the test results they had waited to receive for over several months. Those months were grueling and tiresome, and when they finally made a significant breakthrough, all hell broke loose. Someone forgot to lock the monkeys' cages. Someone forgot to record the results. Someone forgot to back up the computer's data. Long story short, it was not a pretty picture. The day ended with a couple of pointed fingers, a few flung feces and a mouthful of colorful language.

Normally, Amy would retreat to the peace and comfort that her apartment offered, but she needed to be with positive company tonight if she needed to face the simians at work the next day. The weekend could not come soon enough.

Almost as if it was hardwired in her brain, she found herself on autopilot heading to the direction of 2311 N. Los Robles Avenue. Girls' night or a night of Counterfactuals? Both were more promising than going home to an empty apartment, brooding over the fact that they might have completely lost months worth of work.

Soon after Amy arrived at the apartment, she spotted a lanky figure followed by three shorter men exiting the building. It took merely seconds before the lanky man recognized her and approached her with excited energy.

"Oh! Good evening, Amy!" Sheldon greeted her with the usual rhythmic tone Amy observed in his voice. She found herself smiling at the his eagerness to greet her. "You don't usually visit on Wednesdays. The apartment's empty and Penny's not home yet. Would you like to come join us?"

"Where are you guys going?" Amy asked followed by a disapproving look from Sheldon.

"I've already given you my schedule a few weeks ago Amy, you should know it by now! I've already memorized yours," Sheldon said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Of course. The schedule. Though many of his companions hated his constant need for things to be on time and in line with his routine, it was one of the things that fascinated her about him. Every single item was detailed to the dot, from laundry nights to bathroom arrangements. It made her curious to know about the inner workings of his captivating mind. He seemed like the perfect subject for one of her experiments. One of these days, perhaps.

She had memorized the schedule by heart, but because of the stress caused by previous events, she could barely even remember what day it was.

"My apologies."

"Apology accepted."

"Come on guys, let's go! We still have Halo after this!" Leonard called out, opening the door to his car.

"So, will you be joining us?" Sheldon asked, Amy still befuddled and unaware of what they were up to.

"What?"

"It's going to be fun Amy! A night of magical, out of this world adventure awaits us!"

_Magical, out of this world adventure? What's that supposed to mean?_

"Uh…"

"Come on Amy, it'll be fun!" Leonard said encouragingly.

"Guys, are you sure about this? I mean are we really going to take a girl with us?" Howard questioned the bespectacled man while Raj seated himself at the back of the car, muted with the presence of a girl.

"Don't be silly Howard, of course she can come," Leonard defended.

"Well, what do you say Amy?" Sheldon asked her, eyes bright and expecting. "The clock is ticking!"

Seeing the urgency of the request and her knowledge of Sheldon's attitudes about tardiness, the brunette decided to just go with the flow.

"Umm, okay!"

_Must be drugs._

* * *

"Well? What do you think of New Comic Book Night? Magic, huh?" Sheldon gleefully asked his invited guest.

_Really? This is it? This is his definition of cool? Magic? You're kidding me!_

Amy's eyes casually explored the establishment, trying to find even just a teensy bit of hint that they had some sort of exhilarating illegal activity like trafficking or smuggling. Maybe even a secret street fighting club. Unfortunately, the only illegal acts that she'd probably witness in the store would be overpriced merchandise or the release of comic books before their release date. Maybe a comic book robbery if she's lucky. Then again, if she were to do the math, the only ones who would rob a comic book store would probably be a bunch of geeks who wouldn't even have the means or the guts to.

"Sheldon, I'm disappointed. As a brilliant man, you're entitled to a vice. I could understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow man for sport. But this? Lame-o," Amy said. She was starting to wish she had waited for Penny instead.

"Well, A, comic books employ storytelling through sequential art, a medium that dates back 17,000 years to the cave paintings of Lascaux, and B, you play the harp. Like that's cool."

_Way cooler than viewing picture books about men in tights fighting other men in tights, my friend._

She was inspecting the materials on the stands when she was greeted by a shy, skinny, pasty-faced man with dark curls resting on his head.

"Can I help you find anything?"

"A comic that depicts a woman whose bosom can't be used as a floatation device," Amy replied, a bit turned off with all the big-breasted female protagonists in the comic books.

"Sorry. Most of the guys who come in here like big boobs. Couple of them have big boobs," the man commented earning him a chuckle from the brunette. She glanced at the theoretical physicist, who was deeply immersed in browsing through a plethora of comic books, to see if he had any sort of reaction. Maybe a little bit of envy? Jealousy?

"Oh! There you are Batman #708!"

_Sigh. He doesn't even notice._

* * *

It was no big deal really. Amy thought he was nice enough to have a conversation with, but she didn't have a serious interest in the man. For one thing, they never even exchanged names. While her inviter and his group scoured the lot for fresh comic books that were missing from their collection, the man became her company and helped her feel a little less like an alien from a foreign planet. She only realized that she had left a memorable impression on him once she received a text from an unknown number. She deduced that the guys must have given him her number. The sender introduced himself as Stuart, the man she met at the comic book store.

"Amy! You little vixen! Just working it underneath all those layers of wool and polyester!" Penny teased, looking impressed and somewhat excited. The blonde's excitement quickly passed on to Amy. It wasn't everyday that a guy asks her out. Well, no guy ever really does.

"What are you gonna do? Doesn't he know that you have a boyfriend?" Bernadette asked her with concern.

"Oh, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She has a Sheldon." Penny interjected, amused that Sheldon could even be identified as a boyfriend. Amy felt a bit offended at the comment, but she was right. It wasn't like Sheldon saw her as anything more than a friend.

"So, you like Stuart?"

"I don't know, he's nice, he's funny, he has the sallow drawn countenance associated with an overactive thyroid gland and that's kinda hot," Amy said, thinking about the supposition of Stuart as a potential date. She wasn't appalled at the idea.

"Okay, look sweetie. We all love Sheldon, but you've been with him over a year now. If it's not going anywhere, what does it hurt to look around?"

Look around? It's not as if she never did. She had a few crushes here and there, especially after the Zack Johnson incident, but they would only last a span of three days or less. Neither of her infatuations ever matched the effect Sheldon Cooper had on her. Every time she saw his glistening blue eyes, slender figure and pale complexion, she just melts and forgets any other men she encountered.

The unexplainable feeling she had with him was something she could only compare to the time she first experienced the Purkinje Lights Phenomenon.

* * *

It had been one of those days in school where the kids were particularly nasty, calling her rancorous names. She went home crying, burying herself under her pillow, refusing to answer the questions her parents posed. After sometime, they decided to let her heal in the solitude of her own room. She closed her eyes tightly, rubbing them every so often, wishing that she could erase everything, including those conniving smiles and wounding giggles.

She couldn't remember how long it has been since she last opened her eyes. She desperately wanted to escape into dreamland but failed despondently. It was then that she started seeing fractals of red, blue and neon green in color. She could feel some strain in her eyes, but the patterns were so beautiful she didn't care. She didn't question the nature of the images she saw, all she knew was that it gave her some sort of illusion that she was in another world that only she knew about; a world only she could visit. It was fascinatingly mysterious, and for a moment, she forgot she was alone.

She forgot the pain, the stress and all the sorrows she had whenever she was with Sheldon. His presence alone was enough to make her smile. It felt like an addiction, pulsating in her veins and ripping her head apart for one more hit each time. No one else ever came close to giving her that sort of ecstasy and bliss. Not even Penny.

* * *

"It'll be fine, Amy! I've dated this guy before and he's a really nice guy. A real gentleman! Plus, if you're afraid he's gonna make some kind of dick move, rest assured, he's a lot more afraid of you than you are of him," Penny said while fixing Amy's hair in a nice half ponytail. Even though this was her date with Stuart, her friends seem to be more enthusiastic than herself. The two blondes went through the trouble to go over to her office right after work to dress her up. Penny even offered to let her borrow her white sundress with yellow flowers, but Amy felt visibly uncomfortable with the amount of skin she was showing. It was only after Penny let her wear the dress paired with two cardigans and tights that Amy agreed to borrow it.

Amy had been reluctant about the whole thing, but the girls urged her to go for the date. They reasoned, in their own words, that 'There's no harm in trying out sushi instead of fried chicken every once in a while.' Whatever did sushi and fried chicken have to do with her date anyways?

Still, she supposed that trying out new experiences could give her more groundwork on social interactions. She did find most of the girls' suggestions on activities enjoyable. Seeing as they were more knowledgeable in the area of social merriment, she decided to go along with it.

"Okay, now for some make up!" Bernadette exclaimed, digging through her purse for some foundation that matched Amy's skin color.

"I'd rather not. I don't want to look whorish. He might fall too hard for me and I don't want to give him the goodies just yet," Amy replied, eyeing herself in the mirror. "With this dress and my Fowler hips, it would be a miracle for him not to ogle my cabooses."

"Umm, okay, so I guess we're all done! Is Stuart going to come get you or are you guys going to meet up somewhere?" Penny excitedly asked.

"We're going to meet up at the coffee shop. I prefer to have my car with me, in case he pulls any funny business. I could just get up and drive home," Amy replied, gathering her belongings.

"Good call," Bernadette said.

"Thanks for this guys. I'll be on my way. We promised to meet up around 5:30."

She didn't want to admit it, but she was starting to look forward to the date. This was the first time she dated someone that wasn't a result of answers to questions on a dating site like 'What are your hobbies?' or 'Are you a dog person or a cat person?'

"Alright, we'll be over at Penny's. Let us know what happens!" Bernadette gleefully informed her. A date plus a girls' night afterwards. The night's really starting to shape up a little better than the night before.

"Noted."

"Have fun, sweetie! Call us or send us a text if anything comes up!"

* * *

To normal people, particularly, those who believed in superstition, luck or fate, they would've believed that the signs were trying to tell them something. That they weren't supposed to be where they're supposed to be. Amy Farrah Fowler was not one of those people, but for this particular occasion, she started to wonder if there was merit in these beliefs.

The first sign was the meeting place: the coffee shop where she first met Sheldon.

It was an amusing coincidence, but seeing as the majority of the establishment's customers were couples, it wasn't much of a surprise. It seemed to be a very popular date venue. She scanned around the premises for her date until she found him sitting by himself at a table in the middle of the room.

That was sign number two: the exact same spot where she sat with Sheldon.

She eagerly approached the individual and gave him a hearty greeting which Stuart happily returned. He motioned her to sit as he asked her if there was anything she wanted.

"Just tepid water, please."

As popular as the place was for their drinks and pastries, Amy didn't have the stomach to eat, nor was she in the mood to drink coffee. Stuart left the table and went to the counter to order while Amy was left by herself, pondering the current situation she was in. She wondered if she should've told Sheldon. Then again, why should she? It wasn't like it mattered to him who she was seeing.

A couple of minutes later, Stuart arrived with Amy's tepid water and a pumpkin latte. There were a few minutes of awkward silence and uncomfortable staring. It was mind-numbing. It came to the point where Amy could've sworn she could hear the silent tick tocks of the coffee shop's wall clock.

That was when Amy found sign number three: the Justice League shirt.

She didn't notice it immediately, but right underneath Stuart's jacket was the exact same gray Justice League shirt that Sheldon wore on the day they first met.

_You're here with Stuart, Amy. Not Sheldon. Focus on Stuart. Sheldon must've bought it from Stuart's comic book store._

Knocking her thoughts out of the way, Amy decided to break the ice.

"How can a pumpkin be part of a caffeinated beverage?" Amy asked, nervously laughing. "I mean, how does it even taste?"

"You've never had one before?" Stuart asked, looking a bit relieved that the brunette had taken the initiative to start a conversation.

"No, I've always thought the idea of a gourd mixed with coffee beans seemed a little too… gross," the brunette confessed.

"Would you like to have a sip?" her lanky date offered.

"Umm, okay!"

Normally, Amy would turn down any offer to share a beverage, but she needed to move things along. She needed something to calm her nerves and stop thinking about a certain theoretical physicist.

As she took a sip, she found sign number four: the same cup Sheldon had drunken from when they first met.

It was impossible for her to mistake it, especially since the cup Sheldon was using had a small crack near the handle which was hard to miss. Sheldon went on and on for 20 minutes to the establishment's server, stating his discomfort of drinking from a damaged cup whose debris might be swimming around in his beverage. But that wasn't the only disturbing part of it all. Judging from the way Sheldon held the cup when he took a sip, it dawned on her that she sipped on the same side Sheldon did. It's probably been washed a few hundred times already, but the thought that she had an indirect kiss from Sheldon was enough to make her head spin.

"How does it taste?" the curly haired man finally uttered. Amy just realized she had been staring at the cup for a few minutes without saying a word.

"O-oh! It tastes fine. It's not that bad," Amy said.

The truth was her thoughts had invaded the functions of her taste buds. She couldn't even remember how it tasted.

It was silly. Here she was, with a perfectly nice man, yet she was thinking of another man entirely. Though she knew it was impossible for Stuart to read her mind, she thought that it was impolite. With all her willpower, she put all her thoughts about Sheldon in the back of her head while she concentrated on her current date.

"So, how's the comic book store?" Amy asked, trying to get the conversation going again. Stuart went on to tell her how his sales in the store doesn't seem to meet the quota to keep living in his apartment. He went on and on while Amy tried her best to take interest in what he was saying.

"Umm, can we take a picture? It's not everyday that I get to date a girl," Stuart requested, showing his phone.

"Sure," Amy agreed, inching closer to his side.

And there it was. Sign number five: static shock.

Almost immediately after Stuart took a picture of them, an electric shock surged between their touching elbows. They immediately pulled apart from the jolt.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. It's just static. One more?"

Stuart nodded before they settled back to their positions to take another shot. As soon as his phone's camera flashed and their arms collided, another wave of static shoved them apart.

"Umm, actually I think these two pictures are good. Thanks. I'll tag you on Facebook," Amy's date finally decided, giving her a small smile.

"Okay."

Amy looked around, trying to find another conversation starter when she found sign number six: the couple right next to their table.

Amy had to do a double take to make sure she wasn't just imagining things. When Sheldon and Amy were exchanging views on certain scientific principles, they got distracted by the couple sitting next to them. They were making out and spitting out corny lovey-dovey words to each other. She saw the exact same couple, but this time they were having a lover's spat and ignored each other throughout the course of their meal.

 _Stop thinking! Focus on Stuart!_ She silently scolded herself.

Stuart began to ask her about the things she liked for a change. It was fairly obvious that Stuart wasn't into the things she enjoyed, but she appreciated the fact that he was listening just as intently as she did with his story.

It was going pretty well until sign number seven appeared: the unidentified man in the orange shirt.

"Sheldon!" Amy's head instinctively turned around to see if the theoretical physicist was around but saw a man in a strikingly annoying orange shirt instead.

"It's been so long! How've you been?" the orange-shirted man greeted Stuart he approached him, giving him a pat on the back.

"I'm sorry, I think you got me confused with someone else," Stuart said, eyeing him strangely.

"So you're not Sheldon Robertson?"

"No…"

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"

As quickly as the man in the orange shirt came, he left. Even though he was referring to a different Sheldon, Amy couldn't help but notice that Stuart and Sheldon did have similar physical traits. Brown hair, oblong face, long neck, pale complexion, skinny build… It wasn't long before Amy started to imagine her date morphing into her year-old object of infatuation.

That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. She tried but there was no use. Curse him and his gorgeous face!

Seeing as she had no other choice, Amy made up an excuse about an emergency and decided to end the date with the promise that they should go for a second one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to know what you think~! Reviews are much appreciated~!
> 
> \---
> 
> ~November 10, 2013~
> 
> \---
> 
> Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> Romantic love. It was nothing more than an instinctive chemical reaction of an individual's brain and body towards another individual with desirable traits for copulation… There was nothing enticing about the whole experience. Yet here she was now, 130 pounds of raging estrogen hell bent on experiencing that same irrational sensation she abhorred with the slim-built physicist.


	3. The Green-eyed Monster Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey guys, it's been a while~! I'm not dead, just got a little busy with work, life and all those shiznits. I was actually stuck with this chapter for quite some time and I wasn't sure how to go about it. I hope this chapter was worth the wait~! I made it extra longer than my previous Amy chapters. The chapters after this would probably be shorter so I could update faster. The next chapters would also be exploring non-canon territory.
> 
> Special thanks to stardustmelody for proofreading my work and Chiany for giving me his opinion on one of the scenes in the story~! You guys rule~!
> 
> I'd also like to thank the people who added my story to their follow or favorite list in my absence and to the people who're still reading this fic. You guys warm my heart~!

* * *

 

"I can't believe you left in the middle of the date!" Penny said, disappointment well-evident on her face.

"Poor Stuart." Bernadette pondered.

"I didn't have a choice! Throughout the entire rendezvous, Sheldon kept popping up in my head! The lame superhero t-shirt, the crack on the cup, the orange guy– at one point, Stuart even started to morph into him!" Amy explained, trying to get the two blondes to understand her side of the story. Ironically, as much as her reasoning made perfect sense to her, her anxious pacing, animated hand gestures and blubbering words were making her look as if she lost her mind.

"I don't even know what the hell you're talking about Ames, but you shouldn't have left just like that! Yeah sure, fine, he's 'your sexy praying mantis', but you could've at least finished the date!" Penny argued, feeling annoyed that her efforts in dolling up her awkward friend had been a waste.

"Well, I didn't want to accidentally call him by Sheldon's name!" Amy reasoned, garnering the two blondes to share a knowing look. "Besides, I promised him that we'd have a second date to make up for the first one, though I have no idea how I'm supposed to pull this off without thinking about that 74-inch porcelain-skinned Adonis."

"Ugh." Resisting the impulse to roll her eyes, Penny went to her cupboard to get a bottle of peach schnapps and a couple of glasses. Over time, she grew accustomed to the eccentricity of her bestie, but it always baffled her how someone could ever be attracted to Sheldon. Amy, on the other hand, was always baffled by how anyone could not be attracted to Sheldon.

"Well, the way I see it, you couldn't stop thinking about Sheldon because Stuart took you to the same place where you first met him. Maybe you could try going to a place you and Sheldon haven't been to." Bernadette suggested, taking a handful of marshmallows and stuffing them in her mouth.

"A valid point. Where do you guys usually go on dates?" Amy asked, sitting on the chair next to Bernadette.

"Well, restaurants are the usual date spots. Good food, light music, romantic atmosphere, it's perfect! Besides, it's not like you guys went to all the restaurants in the city." Penny said, handing her two friends some booze.

"Actually we have." Amy stated, acquiring looks of shock and disbelief from the two blondes. Penny almost choked from her drink.

"During the summer, Sheldon and I visited every restaurant in Pasadena and nearby restaurants outside the city. He wanted to renew his approved restaurants list, and let me tell you, it's officially down to 17."

"Seriously? You expect me to believe Sheldon ate in all of those restaurants?" Penny challenged, eyebrows scrunched up together.

"Oh, we didn't eat. We just checked the premises for cleanliness, seating arrangements and staff quality. We actually got mistaken as health inspectors and even got to check the kitchens." Amy said, giggling at the memory.

"Hang on, you agreed to drive him to, like, a hundred different restaurants just so he can renew his approved restaurants list?" Bernadette said, sharing the same expression as Penny.

"Well, he didn't want to ask Leonard because of his tediousness and overly grouchy nature while I, the perfect travel companion, had nothing else to do on the weekends. Besides, he paid for gas money and prepared travel food. He even gave me a copy of his list, complete with commentary, pros, cons and a 5-star rating system. Signed and approved by Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D. and Sc.D!" Amy gleefully told the girls who looked at her as if she just told them she won a lottery and her prize was a bag of dirty socks.

"So okay, restaurants are out of the question. How about the park? Howard and I like to take walks during the weekend. You guys can enjoy the fresh air or maybe even have a picnic!" Bernadette suggested.

"Been there. We gave away his twenty-five cats," Amy said, fondly remembering that they had ice cream right after they had successfully given each cat a home. She never enjoyed parks as much as that moment they shared.

"Well, Stuart once took me to an art exhibit. Maybe one of those or a museum?" Penny suggested.

"A museum? An exhibit? Seriously? You think I won't think about him there?" Amy replied incredulously. "We've already―"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've visited those." Penny said bitterly, taking a swig from her bottle of peach schnapps.

"Umm, it's not a usual dating spot but, maybe a zoo?" Bernadette suggested.

"Oh, we go there at least once a month," Amy replied in a matter-of-factly tone. "Ever since we both discovered our mutual interest in the observation of animals, specifically koalas for him and monkeys for me, we've made it a point to visit once a month to revitalize from the stress of work."

"Yeah, right, you guys are so not 'dating'," Penny sarcastically commented with matching air quotes.

"Yeah, we aren't. I thought that was already established?" Amy replied with furrowed eyebrows, completely missing the sarcastic tone of the blonde guzzling down the last few drops of alcohol from the bottle.

"Nevermind. Well, how about a movie theater? Have you guys ever watched a movie alone together before?"

"Well, we were supposed to watch this one documentary, but as soon as he stepped in, he decided that we should do something else," Amy said, memories of that night passing her thoughts. Until now, she still had no clue why he cancelled at the very last minute. Ever since then, they've never had any kind of outing alone in any cinema.

"Huh, weird, he doesn't usually go against his schedules. But anyways, because of that, everything's settled! Your next date with Stuart will be in a movie theater! It's gonna be impossible for you to think about Sheldon in there! You'll be watching a movie. It's gonna be dark and you won't see anything else that will resemble that guy."

"Fair point. Alright, I'll schedule the date!"

"Don't walk out this time, Ames. You have to give the guy a chance. You know what they say, don't judge a book by its cover. Sometimes what's been there all along was actually what you've been looking for," Penny said.

Amy wasn't sure if Bernadette also noticed it, but there was a tone in her voice that suggested there was more to her statement than meets the eye. She deduced that her bestie must've been thinking of Leonard again. It pained her to see Penny pine over her former lover who's already dating a hot, exotic and more intellectually compatible mate than her.

"Yeah. I mean look at me and Howie. I wasn't too crazy about him the first time I met him, but as the date went on, I realized we had so much chemistry! And now we're even engaged!" Bernadette added, flashing her engagement ring to the girls.

It still baffled Amy why someone like Bernadette would marry someone like Howard. Bernie probably makes more than twice the money Howard does, is absolutely pretty in the right light and had boyfriends twice the size of her fiancé. In the animal kingdom, females would usually pick the strongest, the most alluring and the most capable mate, yet when it came to humans, they would, more often than not, mate with those below their social standing. Compared to her beau, Sheldon was excellent. He was intelligent, handsome, tall, lean and had financial security. But then again, if she were to base her own romance to the animal kingdom, she would've already left Sheldon for another mate for failing to copulate with her.

As inferior as Howard was compared to her own mate of choice, she was oftentimes jealous of Bernie, and she suspected that Penny also felt the same green-eyed bitterness. Penny wasn't the type of person who would get married, but Amy knew that like herself, she wanted to be with someone who truly cared about her. The gorgeous blonde had suitors swarming from left to right. It wasn't difficult for her to attract men, and even women, but she never seemed to attract the right partners. Oftentimes she was viewed and treated as a trophy, an arm candy or a sex kitten. For years, she reveled in the so-called glory of being the most wanted, but it wasn't until she met Leonard that she understood what it truly meant to be loved.

Romantic love. It was nothing more than an instinctive chemical reaction of an individual's brain and body towards another individual with desirable traits for copulation. To her, it was a useless phase that lasted for a few short years or even for a few short days where a person undergoes endless thoughts of carnal lovemaking whilst having an incapacity to complete simple daily activities with the utmost zest required. After the sheer blind admiration and fanatic obsession with intimacy disseminates, all that would be left are thoughts of regret, shame and confusion. She had seen it happen to everyone, even in her own home. Her parents were still married, but she frequently observed that the couple often expressed their ill wills to separate. There was nothing enticing about the whole experience. Yet here she was now, 130 pounds of raging estrogen hell bent on experiencing that same irrational sensation she abhorred with the slim-built physicist.

Since when did she become so fixated on love? It was irrelevant to her life, her profession and her beliefs. For as long as she could remember, she had believed it to be a hindrance to her goal of becoming the best in her field of research. She had never been in love, but there were many instances where she developed an admiration towards certain individuals back in school. That overly talkative cheer captain, that lone guitarist with the pretty smile, that straight-A student with an allergic reaction to soap—she's been through it all. She had been the type to be easily be enamored by a person who was god-smitten beautiful, had demonstrated an immense degree of talent, or had an intellect that could follow her train of thought. However, the only thing she acquired from it was a homework leech, a scolding from her teacher for daydreaming, and a school rival. If simple idolatry and admiration had already garnered such effects, what more of love?

Among those who she admired, Penny and Sheldon were the only ones who never shunned her away. With Penny, it was more of a sisterly type of love, but with Sheldon, it was something she could never identify as familial in nature. She had often wondered how things would've been if her chat buddy had realized that she was starting to fall for him, right after she had told him that romantic love an unnecessary cultural construct. Would he laugh? Would he be disappointed? Would he cut her out of his life? She shuddered to think of the possibilities. She could never handle the same level of heartbreak Penny was experiencing.

If she were to be completely honest with herself, the only reason why she accepted the date in the first place was because of Penny. She wasn't sure if Bernadette also noticed, but ever since Stuart asked her out, Penny seemed all gung-ho to make it work between them. Amy was sure that there was something else behind Penny's enthusiasm.

* * *

It all started on the night of Bernadette's engagement. They had decided to celebrate the special occasion with a girl's night. As usual, Penny hogged most of the alcohol. Amy thought she was just overjoyed and wanted to celebrate by taking in an extra helping; but her real feelings surfaced after Bernadette left with Howard. As soon as Bernie closed the door and they were left alone, Penny started sobbing.

"Penny?"

"I think I need a hug."

For approximately 74 minutes, she used Amy as a human-sized pillow, alternatively wiping her tears on her cardigan, squeezing the life out of her and mumbling muffled rants about Leonard and Priya. While Penny was there, living out her nightmare, Amy found it hard to complain. There she was, being a shoulder to cry on to a beautiful, bodacious, gold-haired goddess. She could only wish this would happen more often.

After her crying-spree, Penny decided to open up a tub of Ben and Jerry's, fill it with wine, and, without guilt, consume it as if her life depended on it. Amy just stared at her in wonder, awed by how her gluttonous intake of a frozen dessert could barely take away from her beauty.

"Why is it so hard to just forget about that guy? Bernadette's gonna get married to Howard, and Leonard's gonna get married to Priya, and you're gonna get married to Sheldon! Well? Where does that leave me then?"

"Don't worry bestie, I highly doubt the last part of your statement. Sheldon doesn't even see me as a potential pair-bond. He just sees me as the person who intellectually matches him. The chances of him ever asking me out, is as big as an otter and a koala forming an unlikely friendship."

Heartbreak and sympathy clashed with her insobriety and confusion at the brunette's statement. Not knowing what to say, the blonde decided to console her with the messy gunk of wine and ice cream that had already melted into a puddle of goop.

"You want some?"

It wasn't long till Amy got drunk herself and started sniveling, joining her bestie with her own vexations.

"Secund baaaase wuz riiiight there!" Penny exclaimed. Her words were beginning to turn into long slurs of almost incomprehensible garbles.

"I knooooow riiiiight?!" Amy said. Her voice was mixed with hiccups and squeaks and she giggled just as much as her blonde drinking buddy.

"And he juuuuz haz to guuuuu aaaall Sheldon-y! Why iz Sheldon sooooo Sheldon-y?"

"I have nooooo ideaaa!"

"If a year after you guuuuuyz met and noooothin's stiiiill haaaaappened, I'm sooooo hooooookiiiiin you uuuuup! You gatta mooove ooon Ames. Moove on from Leeeeennnnnnyyyy," Penny said, pointing at Amy while giggling non-stop, eyes barely open.

"It's Sheeeellyyyyy, Peeeennyyyyy," Amy said, her head spinning as much as Penny's.

"Sheeeeelllyyyyy. Of curz it's Sheeeeelllyyyy. Erybody laves that wackadooooodleeee!"

This was followed by a drunk karaoke session of the song 'Why can't we be friends?' 8 times in a row until one of the upstairs neighbors knocked on their door threatening to call the police.

* * *

In a way, Amy speculated that her bestie's 'support,' was her own way of coping with her own heartache. In Penny's mind, if Amy could move on, then so could she.

Truth be told, sometimes Amy just wanted to tell Bernadette off so she'd stop showing off her ring every time the topic of relationships came up, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. It was bad enough when her cousin Irene died and she couldn't carry out her role as the maid of honor. It would be a nightmare if Bernie decided to choose some undeserving maid of honor wannabe instead of her. She had always wanted to wear a shiny, slutty dress that highlighted her feminine wiles while she walked down the aisle to the song of "The Way You Look Tonight." There was no way she was gonna let anything get in the way of that. For now, the best thing she could do for her bestie was to go through with the date.

* * *

It took Amy a while to convince Penny not to doll her up again. The frumpy brunette wanted nothing more than to be touched by her magical beautifying hands, but she didn't want all her bestie's hard work to go to waste again if everything didn't go the way Penny wanted it to.

Due to the insistence of her friends, Amy let Stuart drive and meet her at her apartment this time. The girls didn't want her to run off in the middle of the date again. The ride was short and uneventful with the occasional small talk about the weather, the happenings in the comic book store and the happenings at Amy's lab. Once they got to the theater, they both realized there was one matter they forgot to discuss: What movie were they going to watch?

There were 4 movies currently showing:

1\. 11-11-11

It didn't matter what the film was about. It was a horror movie. As illogically inaccurate and improbable as these types of films were, it never failed to scare the living daylights out of her. Amy had seen the trailers a couple of times while she was watching her favorite shows, and every time she did, she would immediately turn the television off. She was never interested in this category of movies, and she guessed her date shared the same opinion. He seemed like the type who would scare easily, so they both passed on that.

2\. Happy Feet 2

Described as an animated movie about dancing and singing penguins in the Antarctic; Amy never bothered to watch the first movie. Though she had to admit that the penguins did look cute, she preferred the real versions that she could see at the zoo. Besides, they're not 12 years old. Why would two thirty-something's ever be inclined to watch something like that? She immediately turned to the next choice, not noticing the frown etched on Stuart's face.

3\. Twilight – Breaking Dawn Part 1

Amy had never been fond of vampires or werewolves and movies about those had always been in the same category as a horror film for her. When she heard that this movie was about a love triangle between a vampire, a werewolf and a human girl, it intrigued her to give the first movie a go. However, halfway through the film, she had already noticed several plot holes and the unnecessarily long periods of staring every few minutes in the film had bored her out of her mind. It occurred to her that it was a movie for the hormonally challenged pre-teens and would definitely foul the mood for their date. Stuart agreed with her, but she suspected he might've been hiding his desire to watch it.

4\. J. Edgar

A film depicting the historical drama about J. Edgar Hoover, the first Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation; John Edgar was the individual who introduced the centralized fingerprint file and forensics labs. It might not be the most appropriate movie for a romantic date, but among the options they were presented with, it seemed to be the best choice. Amy had always been fond of historical dramas, and Stuart seemed to be fine with anything she chose.

* * *

Amy was immediately engrossed by the movie, and thought that Leonardo di Caprio's performance, despite the cheap make up, was breathtaking. She had read about 's life story before and couldn't help but notice the glaring inaccuracies. For one thing, was rumored to be gay but he was never confirmed to be one. Yet somehow, that one inaccuracy was what got her hooked in the first place.

It was a weird thing, but in a way, Amy kind of related to Armi. His frustration at John Edgar was the same as the lovelorn brunette's frustration at Sheldon for not making any romantic advancement towards their relationship. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking or a delusion over her obsession to be a bigger part of his world, but she had speculated that Sheldon's enjoyment of her company maybe more than that of friends. Maybe, just maybe, he was like John, hiding his real feelings from her. Then again, she never really had any kind of evidence that the theoretical physicist harbored amorous feelings toward her, nor did she have any proof that he could feel any desire towards anyone.

She could never tell if Sheldon had ever been aroused or attracted to a woman, or a man, before. He never displayed any hints of interest in the act of copulation, except for the time they had planned to have an offspring. Even then, he wanted them made in a petri dish, in a lab, with medical experts. She wondered if his disinterest in physical intimacy was due to the fact that he had no exposure to any of it. Maybe she could tackle Sheldon one day, just like how Armi did with , and kiss him like a wild animal to find out.

How would Sheldon react? Would he walk away? Would he denounce her as his friend? Or would he like it?

"If you're bored, you can go. I understand."

Eyes still firmly glued to the screen, Amy assured her date that she was enjoying her time. It was only then that she realized that she was on a date with him and Sheldon had once again invaded her mind.

Stuart wasn't a bad guy. He had successfully made her chuckle a few times in the short period they had spent together. Why couldn't she be attracted to him instead? He was a man who wanted to date her; a man who probably wanted to kiss her, a man who probably wouldn't mind holding her hand.

What would it be like, if she had met Stuart before Sheldon? Would she have been madly in love with him? Or would she even consider dating him? And if they did date, what kind of relationship would they have? Would she be happier with him?

They could have a normal relationship. Sure there will be struggles, ups and downs, but at least she'd know that the man she's with actually desires her and is attracted enough to her to actually set aside his work to watch a movie that he probably doesn't even like. Sheldon wouldn't even set foot inside a movie theater alone with her.

Then again, there were instances when Sheldon went to UCLA to have lunch with her, despite the distance and the fact that he still had to go back to work. That was sweet on its own. There was also the time that he came over her apartment, just to see if she was alright when she stopped communicating with him and was upset about her gal pals. He even cuddled with her, despite his aversion to physical contact.

_Didn't I already make myself clear that there would be no Sheldon-related thoughts on this date? Stupid brain._

"Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me."

_Oh great, now I'm starting to hear him. What next? Is he going to magically appear right next to me?_

"Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me."

The voice continued to echo through her head, and it sounded louder and nearer each passing second. Annoyed that her film viewing was being disturbed, she glanced over to her left to inspect the source of the noise. To her surprise, it was none other than the man who had been constantly plaguing her mind: Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.

"Pardon me. Excuse me. Hi, Stuart," Sheldon greeted. Stuart looked as befuddled as Amy, though she was a bit better at hiding her surprise. Her face was stoic, but her heart pounded like it was about to explode.

"Hi, Sheldon," Stuart replied casually, a big question mark illustrated on his face.

"Pardon me. Excuse me," Sheldon muttered as he moved over to the seat to the right of the astounded brunette.

"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" Amy immediately asked. He was the last person she expected to see.

"The thought of you sitting in a darkened theatre with a character like Stuart is repellent," He answered, eyes fixed on the screen. "No offense, Stuart."

_He's actually worried about me?_

"None taken," Amy's date replied, a bit unsure of how to proceed with the current state of things. "Although… repellent is kind of a, kind of a strong word…"

Of course, Amy wanted to play it cool. This was no time for her to be love-struck over the luminescent physicist sitting next to her. She supposed that she could do a little fishing while he was here.

"I'm sorry this causes you discomfort, but based on the currently established parameters of our relationship, I can put myself in any repellent situation I want."

"Um, again," Stuart interrupted, feeling more and more out of place.

"Stuart, please. You're being rude," Sheldon snipped.

_Not now Stuart! This is possibly going to be the most romantic moment of my entire life!_

"Anything else?" Amy asked, urging him to continue.

"I believe… I would like to… alter the paradigm of our relationship."

 _Whooop! There it is!_   _He actually said it! Take that Jenina Parker! Who's never having a boyfriend now? I'm gonna have a boyfriend~! I'm gonna have a boyfriend~! Okay Amy, focus. Don't let him know you're ecstatic. Oh, if I could just kiss him right now! But don't! If you don't play your cards right, you could lose him for sure. Calmly and steadily, like extracting the locus coeruleus from the pons of the brainstem… You don't want to scare him off._

"I'm listening."

_That's it Amy. Play it cool._

"With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise, I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend."

_Seriously? You call that a proposal?_

"Interesting. Now try it without the quadruple negative."

"You're being impossible."

_Impossible, eh?_

With that comment, Amy leaned towards Stuart and gave him a sweet smile which he awkwardly returned. "Hi, Stuart."

"Fine." Sheldon said in an exasperated tone.

And right then and there, he uttered the six words that she had always wanted to hear.

"Amy, will you be my girlfriend?"

_Bingo!_

She felt like an orchestra of heaven-sent cherubs started playing and belting out Hallelujah. Amy knew that this was bound to happen. How can he ever resist her voluptuous Fowler hips and sassy intellect? But still, she felt like she was in a dream, that she needed to pinch herself. She replayed his words over and over again in her head before she realized she had not uttered a reply. An anxious Sheldon Lee Cooper was sitting next to her, leaning his head towards her, as if he was trying to make sure he could hear what she would say. Amy knew what her answer was, but she was so overwhelmed by the proposal that she was having a hard time articulating it.

"Yes."

"Well, that's enough of that. Sorry to interrupt. You two enjoy your date. Here's a dollar for your troubles. Get yourself some Sour Patch Kids." Sheldon said as he gave a dollar to Stuart and exited the theater.

* * *

It was crazy. To be asked to be someone's girlfriend on a date with another guy. From a wallflower to a man magnet! Boy, have times changed. If Amy told her younger self about this she wouldn't have believed her. None of this felt real to her. Men finally taking notice of her, having an actual love life that she didn't make up and having an actual partner who wasn't just engaged to her for business purposes; she was living the dream!

As momentous as the occasion was, Amy couldn't bring herself to fully celebrate the event knowing that she was responsible for the frown carved on the man sitting on the driver's seat. Stuart, the gentleman as he was, still insisted that he escorts her back to her apartment after their date regardless of what took place. The ride was silent and a lot more awkward than their first date. She attempted to make small talk with him, but failed to carry a conversation. It always started with random questions followed by one word replies. As dead as their conversation was, her date's disinterest to conversation didn't stop Amy from trying. She felt she should be saying something at a time like this. She just broke the poor sack's heart after all.

"I'm sorry the date didn't go the way you wanted it to," Amy managed to say.

"It's okay, I'm used to it. Zoloft's becoming a lot more appealing to me now," Stuart said, eyes fixed on the road.

"Look, I'm not very good at handling these types of situations, but my research with social interactions tell me that I shouldn't leave things as they are," Amy said. She took a long breath and faced Stuart as the stop light turned red.

"Stuart, look at me. I'm absolutely socially awkward, probably a bit more so than yourself. But I found Sheldon. Sure he's a bit of a left handed monkey wrench. But what I'm saying is, someday you'd find your own monkey wrench. I guess it just wasn't me."

"I don't think I can," Stuart said, sadness resonating in his voice. "First Penny, then a bunch of different women, then you."

"Penny tells me you once made out with her. What are you complaining about? Did you know that the most action I've had my entire life was when I kissed Sheldon when I was drunk? Closed mouth, possibly just a few seconds, then I threw up," Amy said, looking him straight in the eye. "If you got someone as hot and bodacious as Penny to make out with you, that's got to mean something."

"But she called out a different guy's name!" Stuart exclaimed.

"Yeah, but she did it with you! I mean imagine how someone like Penny could easily find a rebound anywhere else, and she decided to pick you! You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you're the next best thing!"

With that single statement, Amy saw Stuart's eyes lit up as if he had some kind of uplifting epiphany.

"Huh… I guess I never thought of it that way," Stuart said, his frown slowly dissipating.

"For every woman out there who had their hearts ripped off, drunken a considerable amount of alcohol and confused about their feelings, you'll be the first one they'll come crawling to! No commitment or questions asked! And if my research is correct, some men actually prefer that type of relationship over sappy courtship."

"You're right! Sad little women, here I come!"

* * *

"So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice," Stuart said, flashing Amy a small smile. After their little pep talk, the ride was a lot less unbearable. They proceeded to discuss about the movie they just watched.

"Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door," Amy said, returning the smile. She was glad they didn't have to part ways with a heavy heart.

"Oh, you're welcome."

As Amy was about to bid goodbye to her date, a familiar sequence of knocks resonated from within her apartment.

 _(Knock, knock, knock) "_ Amy."

 _(Knock, knock, knock) "_ Amy."

 _(Knock, knock, knock) "_ Amy."

Her door opened, revealing an impatient Sheldon eying them suspiciously.

"Let's wrap things up out there," he said, closing the door.

Ever since she spotted the quirky physicist in the movie theater, a thousand questions had been burning in her mind. And now, seeing him waiting for her in her own apartment added a thousand questions more to the mix. Just what was this man planning?

The two bid each other good night and shared a platonic hug, much to the disapproval of the man waiting behind Amy's door.

"Take the hint, Stuart. The lady said good night," Sheldon's voice echoed.

And with that, the two parted ways.

Amy turned the knob and entered her apartment to find the physicist sitting on his designated spot on her apartment, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"How did you get into my apartment?" Amy asked.

"Wow. Is that the kind of nagging I can expect now that you're my girlfriend? Good thing I drew this up," Sheldon said, reaching for a document inside his bag.

"What's that?"

"I present to you the relationship agreement. A binding covenant that, in its 31 pages, enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as the girlfriend."

Any other person would've given him an eye raise, a bitch slap or laughed at the notion that a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship needed such a thing. But Amy was not like any other person. For her, the perception of a person going through so much trouble to create a 31-page document in an effort to fit her comfortably in his life was remarkable. In the span of the year that she had known him, such things were only presented to people who had a distinct function in his life like Leonard and the Roommate Agreement, and that was more than understandable. It was typical for roommates to share certain house rules to ensure that they would live in harmony with each other, especially for a long period of time. Placing the pieces together, Amy concluded that Sheldon had constructed the document with the mindset that their relationship would last for as long as his relationship with his roommate. He had prepared to make her an integral and immovable part of his life.

As his delicate fingers offered the written document, Amy trembled with delight and uttered the three words she could only muster to say:

"That's so romantic."

"Mutual indemnification always is. Why don't you start perusing while I set up my notary stamp," Sheldon said, searching his bag for his notary stamp.

"Section 5: Hand-holding. Hand-holding is only allowed under the following circumstances. A: Either party is in danger of falling off a cliff, precipice or ledge, B: Either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a Nobel Prize, C: Moral support during flu shots," Amy read, scrunching her nose; "seems a bit restrictive."

"Feel free to retain a lawyer."

This was going to be tougher than it looked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like my fic? Please leave a review~! On another note, I just realized that I've been using a lot of Leonardo diCaprio quotes and references in some of my chapters without realizing it. I'll leave you guys to guess which ones they are ;)
> 
> \---
> 
> ~March 10, 2014~
> 
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> 
> Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> Their relationship seemed to be headed in the direction she was anticipating. She had expected Sheldon to become more amorous toward her, but what happened next was the exact opposite.

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews and feedback are very much appreciated and inspires me to write~!


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